We Can Still Hope
by NinjaKitten930
Summary: "You know, eventually it will just be you and me left, vampire" Magnus's words become true.


_Auhor's Note- __Yes, I do realize that I said I would be taking a leave of absence before doing another Malec, but you see, inspiration struck! I am just hoplessly in love with Magnus and Alec, so I must put the lovin' somewhere!_

_So yeah, Here's a one-shot of Magnus's life after. Kinda sad, I suppose, hopefully it makes you think. _

_Thanks for your time, please PLEASE review! There is nothing more inspiration than knowing someone has actually read your story!_

_-NinjaKitten_

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><p>'<em>Who is this at such an ungodly hour?<em>' Magnus thought, frowning at the door. Another series of obnoxious rings caused Magnus to shiver. Pressing the button, Magnus sighed, "Who is it?" Many years ago, Magnus would have answered either sarcastically, furiously (for being woken), or flirtatiously, however now, Magnus could not be bothered.

"It's simon."

Was it wrong that Magnus felt a ping of sadness by the name? Magnus had been reminded too many times of who his usual night-time visitor was. It had begun with hidden kisses, treasured nights spent together, until the boy suddenly embraced everything and Magnus had never felt more alive.

Shaking his head, Magnus pressed the button to unlock the door and he heard the light steps of the vampire. Soon enough a rattling thud hit the door and Magnus opened it. He wasn't sure what to expect; not that he much cared either way.

Magnus was surprised that the boy's appearance even affected him in his state of uncaringness. Simon's hair was drenched from the rain pattering down outside, his clothes hanging heavily on his lank frame. The boy's gangly, awkward frame was hunched with grief and stress. The Warlock motioned for Simon to walk in and the boy, not even looking up, took a step inside. When Simon finally looked up at Magnus, he was caught by the younger boy's intensity. His brown eyes were large and filled with grief and confusion. "I can't keep doing this, Magnus," Simon muttered, his voice cracking.

Grabbing a towel, Magnus shoved it to the boy non-too gently. Crossing his arms, he stared at the boy, one eyebrow raised. "You mean living forever?" The boy nodded and Magnus shook his head, unsure what to make of this.

Magnus had learned long ago what it meant to be immortal; of course, he'd gone through so many lonely centuries with lovers, but never being _in love_. Not until Alec; The boy had stolen Magnus's heart from the beginning, despite his better judgment. Their relationship had been rocky and difficult, but damn had it ever been amazing. Whether it was a stolen kiss hidden away, or holding hands in front of the entire damned clave, Magnus had never given himself to another like he had with Alec.

"I warned you," Magnus pointed out, sounding none-too sympathetic to the boy; his voice did not let out the true darkness of his thoughts. The pain in his heart was well hidden. "Soon enough, it would only be us left." Simon's head hung low and Magnus led the boy to the couch. Though the boy was still soaked, Magnus sat him down, pressing a blanket into his shivering hands. No, Simon would not be cold, it had to be something else that caused the vampire to shake.

Magnus understood Simon's distraught feelings though. Today had been the funeral of the last living remain of Simon's old friend. Clary's great granddaughter had died last night at the young age of sixteen. _'Simon is sixteen,'_ Magnus thought aimlessly. He could never imagine being forever stuck as an awkward, not-yet grown teenager. He couldn't help feeling the sight of the sullen boy tug at his heart, but he pushed it away impatiently. Magnus would never care again. This promise, _this time_, would never be broken.

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><p>"<em>Magnus, did you want to say anything?" Maryse had asked. Though her voice was soft, Magnus couldn't help notice the slight disapproving flash in her eyes. She had never learned to put her son's best interests at heart. <em>

_It was all that Magnus could do to shake his head. His expression was emotionless, a blank mask. He had not spoken since the news had come; for so long, Magnus had not even believed it to be true. No, he expected Alec to walk into their room anytime, apologizing for being late and worrying Magnus. Eventually, though, he had to admit that he was gone. _

_The funeral was the seal of the deal, as it were. Alec had died saving Jace from a Great Demon. 'Of course,' Magnus had thought. Alec had never cared for his own safety when those he loved were in hurt or in danger. 'But I'm in danger,' Magnus had thought brokenly, though it did not show on his face. _

_The funeral continued, Magnus standing still as a statue beside Alec's grave as the casket was closed. His family had requested it to be closed; apparently Alec had not been found in a very good state. Magnus remained while they began burying the casket in. When most began slowly walking away, Magnus still remained. Some of the shaodwhunters, Jace, Clary, and such, paused to touch Magnus, murmur something, then leave. Magnus had never actually heard any of them. _

"_Alexander Lightwood: A brave Nephlim, loving brother, and a son whom shall be cherished." _

_Magnus had never been asked if he would like to add anything to the sentiment. He wouldn't have even if they'd asked. No, he didn't want Nephlim decades from now sneering as they walked by his gravestone. "There's the fag!" One would point out with a smirk. "I can't believe they buried him with the others." _

_Magnus never spoke to any of the Lightwoods afterward. Isabelle had attempted to contact him, but Magnus had cut himself off from the world. His clients were forced to move on until Magnus would return. _

_Jace's funeral followed Alec, as to be expected. 'Without Alec to protect him, his reckless actions were bound to get him killed,' Magnus thought bitterly. _

_He did not go to the funeral. _

_Clary's funeral was held a few years later. She'd been raising her child alone, and after her death, the child was left under Isabelle's care. Though Magnus considered attending the funeral, he didn't think he could handle seeing Isabelle. She would be older now, so much more like her mother. Premature lines from a stressful life would be cut into her smooth skin, and her dresses would be switched out with the more favorable suits. _

_Her funeral was awhile later. She had lived a long life compared to shadowhunters; she was forty-three, had raised Clary's child, as well as her own, and had taken care of the institute. _

_Magnus did attend the funeral._

_Isabelle's casket was lowered directly beside her brothers. Magnus spoke a few words on her behalf and, when the funeral had ended and everyone-all unfamiliar, cold shadowhunters-had left, Magnus returned to Alec's grave. _

_It was the first time he had visited since Alec's funeral. _

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><p>"But how do you live through this?" Simon asked, his eyes searching desperately for some magical answer that would solve his every problem. Magnus wished he could give it, maybe a spell to make his life easier. But no, if he'd have known of it, he was selfish enough to have used it on himself long ago.<p>

Magnus suddenly felt his eight-hundred years rush up to meet him. Sighing, Magnus shrugged his shoulders, unable to answer the boy at first. He felt every past love rise up in his eyes, the familiar stab of pain and loss appearing for a moment before being replaced by another. Magnus shook his head before it reached Alec.

"I don't know, Simon," Magnus answered truthfully, though he knew the vampire would be disappointed. "I stopped living long ago; after a while, you merely go through the motions until something…" Magnus corrected himself, "Or _someone_ comes along to spark the life back into you. Once they are gone, the candle goes out and you continue watching the world go by."

Simon shook his head, as if he wasn't sure what Magnus was saying. "I don't want to just go through my life, not caring about anyone around me," Simon argued, his tone harsh. Magnus's expression went hard, his eyes darkening as the boy spoke. "I miss waking up and looking forward to seeing Clary, or Isabelle. Hell, I'd even be happy to see Jace at this point!" The boy's weak attempt at humour was ignored by Magnus. "I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't join a coven, and I feel as though I always need to move. I can't stay anywhere for too long."

Now there was one thing that Magnus would never understand of Simon's life. The boy had the mark of Cain, a blessing and curse. Clary, foolish, ignorant Clary, had never imagined the consequences of her actions on the poor boy; Magnus, eighty years later, could see the wear the mark had on him.

"I don't have the answers for you, Simon. You just have to keep living," Magnus repeated from before. "After… Alec." A flash of pain shot through Magnus's features, the first expression on his face upon Simon's arrival. It had been so long since Magnus had said the name out loud. "I learned to keep living. I keep taking clients, I work every day, and I find things to keep me busy so I am never alone too long with my thoughts. No, it's not perfect, but at this point, it's all I've got."

Simon sighed, as if he weren't sure why he was even here. "But you've lived for so long. Will there ever be a point where you're just tired of going through the motions? No one can live _forever."_

Though Magnus was sure that the boy's sudden insight was from some fantasy roleplaying game, he couldn't help but appreciate the word's wisdom. "That is true. But I was tired of living, and then you showed up with a young red-headed girl with your band of shadowhunters and crashed my party." Magnus's eyes brightened fondly as the memory lifted from the darkness of his mind. "That day, I had something to look forward to. Had I ended it all the day before, I would have missed the most amazing few years in my whole eight-hundred and some." The Warlock sighed as the memory drifted away, leaving him again feeling empty. "You will learn eventually that the most driving force is hope. Whether this is hoping for something to make your life again mean something, or hope that the evil will be vanquished, all that matters is that there is hope somewhere."

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><p>"<em>Couples can at least hope! We can't even do that," Alec had complained, his brow furrowing in frustration. <em>

_Magnus sighed fondly at the shadowhunter as he explained to the young boy exactly what he meant to the warlock. He'd opened his heart like he had never to another, and he promised that they could hope. _

_But had they ever really hoped? Magnus had refused to open the Grey Book, to flip through the pages. He had already marked the one with the spell he needed, but Magnus refused to open in again. _

_Despite Alec's pleading, Magnus would not even admit that there was an ability to make the young shadowhutner immortal. No, he couldn't do that to the boy. Not to a boy who was so full of love in his life, he couldn't ask him to just leave it all behind for him. _

_However, after Alec's death, Magnus had opened the Grey Book once again. He'd found the page and stared at it. This had become a ritual every day before he went out to face clients and clave business. No, Magnus did not necessarily regret not making Alec immortal, it was just the flutter in Magnus's chest every time he read through the complex spell. _

_That flutter in his heart was familiar to when he had sat with Alec, holding him in his arms in some abandoned building. His eyes had glittered mischievously with the thought of a life together with Alec, but it was a life he would only dream of. "We can hope." _

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><p>"You know, everyone was right," Simon suddenly spoke up, bringing Magnus up from his reverie. "Even though I can walk in the sun, talk to people, and smile with straight teeth, I will never be able to fool myself that I'm normal."<p>

Magnus was unsure where the vampire was going and, frankly, he didn't much care. The boy had already outlived his welcome. Yes, seeing Simon was not too pleasant, for the boy symbolized the time of Magnus's life that had bloomed with the most happiness, but now filled with the most sorrow.

"I mean, I never thought about a life without Clary, and Izzy, and my mom…. Not until it became obvious that they were aging, moving forward in their lives to a place that I could never follow them." The boy's voice cracked again, his eyes bursting with the emotions swirling through his mind. Magnus knew that eventually the boy would become very skilled at hiding his emotions and remaining very cool and calm despite what he might be feeling inside. It was a skill Magnus had learned long ago.

"Well there is no point fretting over it now," Magnus pointed out before standing up; he wanted to make it obvious to Simon that he was welcome to leave anytime now. The Sun was coming up, and Magnus had noticed that through-out their conversation, Simon had become more and more fitful, as if he was having difficulty sitting still.

The boy was obviously cleverer than Jace had ever given him credit before, and he nodded slightly. Pulling his boots on, Simon reached for the doorknob, pausing for a moment. "Magnus?" Simon mumbled softly. Magnus bent forward while replying, "Yes?"

The boy opened the door, his face shrouded with his hair. "It was nice seeing you. I'm glad you've been doing well." And with that, Simon disappeared down the steps, and out into the morning sunrise, shards of golden light shining on the vampire's face.

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><p>"<em>I was just joking, Alec," Magnus apologized for what seemed like the hundredth time. Of course, Alec was not angry with Magnus, as he was too buys fretting over the reflection of himself in the mirror . "It wasn't a grey hair, just a trick of the light. And that thing I called a wrinkle, is just a smile dimple." Attempting to recover the atmosphere from before, Magnus added with a sultry smile, "A sexy smile dimple." <em>

_Alec, however, would not have it and he dropped the mirror, frowning at Magnus. "I'm getting older, Magnus, and I can't stand it." Alec's eyes were shining, his face broken. Magnus rushed to the shadowhutner's side, grabbing his hand reassuringly. _

_Smiling at the boy, Magnus ignored his own worry and sadness. Alec's smooth hands were covered in many more scars than when he'd first met the shadowhunter, and his eyes had darkened to a permanent stormy blue. However, his scarred hands were still smooth, and his hair the same midnight-black that framed his eyes. "Of course you are getting older, people age every second. I don't understand why you are only realizing this now." Alec buried his head in the crook of Magnus's neck, and he almost didn't hear Alec's reply, muffled through the fabric of his shirt. "You aren't though." _

_Shaking his head, Magnus pulled Alec away, smoothing the boy's hair and cupping his face gently. "Alec, you have to realize that this is the way things will be. Whether you are twenty-six, or fifty-five, you will forever be my Alexander. I will forever love the blush that comes to your cheeks, and the care in your eyes." Magnus paused to press his lips to the shadowhunter's. The kiss was short, but sweet. "I will forever love how shy you are of your own body, how you are terrible at dressing yourself, and how you could never take care of anything less than an immortal cat." Alec was smiling fondly of the disastrous memory where Alec had been put in charge of caring for Chairman Meow. "And I will forever love you." _

_Alec still didn't seem convinced. "But I want to love you forever, Magnus. I don't want to have to leave you, because I would die if you had to leave me. I want us to_ _truly__ have forever." _

_Magnus brushed the boy's brimming tears away with nimble fingers. "And we will have forever as long as we are in love." _

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><p>The flat was again empty. And Magnus left the doorway, trying to ignore the last expression on Simon's face before the vampire had left. He walked into his bedroom; Alec's clothes were gone, and it was as if The Lightwood had never existed; Magnus's apartment was back to the exact condition it had been before Alec had moved in.<p>

If Magnus ignored his memories, he could pretend that the familiar emptiness in his heart had not been replaced with an unavoidable agony; he could pretend that he still despised all shadowhunters and only worked for them because they paid well.

Of course, Magnus preferred to pretend that him and Alec truly had been given forever. Rare times-usually at night-he would allow himself to imagine how his life would have changed if he could have permanently had Alec lying beside him each and every glorious morning. "My heart will forever be yours," Magnus murmured as he lay on his bed, ignoring the empty spot beside him. The room was bright, as if trying to make up for Magnus's emptiness. "What would be the harm in ending it right now?" Magnus thought vacantly, despite the morbid subject. "The likeliness of another _Someone_ filling my life is so small, so what's the point?" Magnus's lips curved into a smile, the first in ages as he repeated what he had always said to Alec.

"Well, I could always hope."

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><p><em>Thanks a ton for reading! Please enjoy! I swear I will do a fluffy one next! Too much saddness! <em>

_Hope you all like it! Please Review!_


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